How to Write Wedding Vows

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How to Write Wedding Vows That Truly Feel Like You

By Nikita Nel – Wedding Director at De Haven Oost

There’s a moment I look forward to at every wedding. The music fades, the guests lean in, and the couple begins to speak the words they’ve written just for each other. It’s intimate, it’s powerful, and often—it’s the most unforgettable part of the day.

Because that’s the heart of it all, isn’t it? Not the seating chart. Not the menu. Not even the flowers (though I’ll always have a soft spot for those). It’s the vows. That quiet, honest exchange between two people standing up for love.

And yet, writing your vows can feel daunting. Where do you even begin? What do you say? How do you put years of feeling into just a few minutes?

Take a deep breath. You don’t need to be a poet. You just need to be real. I’m here to guide you through it, the way I do with every couple I work with—gently, and with all my heart.

Start by Giving Yourself Space

Don’t leave this for the night before your wedding. You’ll be too emotional, too tired, and probably surrounded by loved ones and distractions. Give yourself time. A quiet morning. A peaceful evening with a notebook. Let the words come without pressure.

I always suggest starting about a month before the big day. That way, you have space to reflect, write, and come back with fresh eyes.

Ask Yourself the Right Questions

Before you try to write, take a moment to reflect. These questions help unlock the real, meaningful stuff:

When did I know I wanted to marry them?What have they brought into my life?How do they make me feel understood?What do I want to promise them—not just today, but always?

Jot down anything that comes to mind. Don’t edit yet. Just explore your heart.

Write the Way You Speak

The biggest mistake couples make when writing their wedding vows? Trying to sound perfect.

You don’t need to write a speech worthy of a romantic movie. You just need to sound like you. Your partner loves your voice—let that shine through.

I once worked with a bride who started her vows with, “I knew I loved you the night you made tea for my mom without being asked.” It was simple. Honest. And unforgettable.

Use your own words. Be tender. Be funny. Be yourself.

Use a Structure (But Make It Your Own)

Some couples feel better with a little format. Here’s a soft framework that works beautifully:

A short memory or reflectionWhat you love about your partnerWhat they mean to youThe promises you want to makeA simple, heartfelt closing

There’s no right way—but this gives you a steady path to follow.

Be Specific and Personal

It’s easy to say, “I’ll love you forever.” But the magic is in the details.

Try, “I promise to rub your shoulders after long days, to never forget how you take your coffee, and to always make space for your dreams—even the big, scary ones.”

Those are the moments that stick with people. That stick with you.

Keep It Short and Sweet

Aim for 1–2 minutes when read aloud. Long enough to be meaningful. Short enough to stay focused.

Remember: what matters most isn’t how much you say—it’s what you choose to say.

Practice Without Over-Rehearsing

Say your vows out loud a few times. You’ll catch awkward phrasing or places where you lose your flow.

But don’t try to memorize them. Let yourself experience the moment as you speak. It’s okay to pause, breathe, and feel the weight of your words.

Write Them Down (Beautifully)

Print or handwrite your vows. Keep them in a vow booklet, a keepsake card, or something sturdy and meaningful. Don’t use your phone—it pulls you out of the moment.

I always recommend printing two copies. Just in case.

Final Thoughts, From the Heart

Wedding vows don’t need to be perfect. They need to be honest. That’s what makes them powerful.

Whether you promise to build a life full of adventure, or simply to show up, every single day, with love and patience—those words will carry weight long after the wedding is over.

So take your time. Speak from the heart. And remember, your vows aren’t about impressing anyone. They’re about making a promise—yours, and yours alone.

With all my heart,

Nikita Nel

Wedding Director, Flower Whisperer